Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord: Have you heard of Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord? This is a graph/worksheet that you can download here. It outlines some of the most common options you might use in a relationship. Like any relationship building tool or activity, this is just a jumping off point, and the conversations you have with your partner are the most important thing you get out of this experience.
Remember the following:
Relationships are complex, and what may seem acceptable to one person in a friendship may not seem acceptable to another. The board helps clarify these issues in every relationship you use it for.
Adding the smorgasbord to your RADARs is another great idea, as is taking notes. The smorgasbord doesn’t only have to be used for romantic relationships; it can be customized and used for any relationship you would like to use it for.
Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord:
The Smorgasbord has as its concept the idea that every relationship you have with another person is like a plate that the two of you are filling from this buffet of many options.
Some of the RA Smorgasbord categories include communication frequency and method; Emotional closeness; Physical proximity; Public display of affection; Romance; Home routines; Electrical exchange / Gift; and partnership. Some divisions that we don’t think about very often in poly circles, but that get to the heart of this RA document for all relationships, are hierarchical/power differentials (superior and employee or mentor and mentee fall into this category); Collaboration; and the Tags section has a selection of family and literal Family tags, as well as equivalents and various possible love tags.
Like any tool, it has its limitations and is mostly a good starting point for the conversations you really need to have about what you want in a particular relationship. But it’s a pretty good indicator of the flexibility of relational anarchist philosophy for tailored relationships, and a useful tool.